I don’t understand a lot. I don’t understand how much you loved me. I don’t understand how somebody could cause so much pain. All the time I think, ‘why would you do this to me?’. I cry all the time, it just doesn’t stop. And sometimes I’m okay, I forget about it and pretend it never happened. I can never keep that up a lot, and when I remember it’s even worse and I don’t want to even move. Everything aches, my tummy hurts from crying, my heart hurts so much. I just can’t stop, and I just wish you knew how much you meant to me. I wish you’d talk to me.

I feel like I have to hold myself together, I wrap my arms around myself and it makes me cry even harder because it’s the only hug I get. I feel like everything around me has separated from my life and it’s just me. I’m so afraid. I’m so scared it makes me cry and it won’t go away. The pain is so unbearable I can’t look at myself, I can’t talk or open my eyes. I just sit there crying, all the time. I have cramps in my stomach. I can’t do this, I need you so badly I just need it back the way it was.

It was so easy for you to let go and break my heart. My whole life was ripped away from me and it feels like you got out without a scratch or a bruise. Why?

I don’t know what to do, I need you :(

I showed you this one today! And I know you’ll read this too, and I’m not sure if I should send the letter in the mail, because if you don’t want to wait I have it typed up and I could just show you now. Half of it is probably nonsense because I was a bit upset, but I thought maybe it was something you needed to know. 

I’m so sorry that I betrayed you, I hate myself for it and I understand why you did too. When you said you didn’t know if you loved me, I think my whole world just crashed within a millisecond and I didn’t know what to do, I couldn’t breathe properly I’m pretty sure I had a panic attack but idk. Then you told me you loved me and I was so overwhelmed with everything I didn’t even know what I was crying about anymore, I just knew that I was crying and it wasn’t going to stop anytime soon. I am so so so so sorry that I broke your trust, I’d do anything to get it back, I know it might take a while but it’s worth everything if you can trust me again. You’re everything to me Dean, you really are everything and it’s not an understatement. I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you times infinity and more.

Tonight I’m going to wait for you to get back from work, but it’s a good kind of  wait tonight because I know you love me and you know I love you and I feel kind of happy and I wish you were back already. 

I wish I never told her, I am really so so so sorry :-( I love you.

Dear you,

I am so sorry, I wish I was more like you. I can’t even write a simple thing everyday, it might’ve been all the exams lately, or work or something, but I hope you never forget that I love you. You’re absolutely everything to me, and I know lately we argue a bit, but I don’t mean to, I’m so sorry. You’re my whole life and what would I be without you? You’re absolutely incredible, I love you.

Love, me.

Dear you,

I keep doing it :-( i really am unreliable, i love you.

love me

dear you

i’m so unreliable with letters, i’m so sorry.

i feel sad, i wish you were here to kiss me better.

come back from work please.

love forever me

Dear you,

Sometimes it hurts so much to not be able to touch you, it just hurts.

love me

Dear you,

today i was on the bus, wet from the rain. i imagined you were there with me, that i was sitting on your lap snuggling into you, your arms around me keeping me warm. after a while i get up and face you, still sitting on your lap, and wrap my legs loosely around you and tell you how much i love you and kiss you on the nose and smile at you, then you’d kiss me back and cuddle me tight.

love me.

Dear you,

today was officially our third month, i asked why we shouldn’t include those other two months that weren’t official, and so we’re celebrating our fifth month today. you’re at work right now, for the second time today, and it’s an understatement to say i miss you. i cried before, because it was overwhelming that i couldn’t be with you. i tell myself everyday that every second is a tiny step closer to having you in reality, but sometimes it’s hard. everyday i love you more and more, and it’s hard for myself to imagine it, but i know tomorrow i will love you just that little bit more then i do now.

love, me.

Dear you,

sorry, but you keep stressing me out , i love you so much. 

love me